5 Reasons I'm Taking A Sabbatical // Life Lately in Calgary
I’m only a few days in, but I’ve already realized so much.
I love how Calgary fit like a puzzle piece into my current life. There wasn't even any adjustment needed. I got off the bus and it felt like I never left at all. I love this city so much and everything it symbolizes for me.
Yesterday I took the CTrain back home. Ah, the red spacious trains and the beautiful people in it. I was so excited until I realized I didn’t have enough coins. I had no idea they didn’t accept bills and I left my card. Instead of pouting, I was laughing at my situation, genuinely happy because I’ve missed that! I missed not knowing where to go, I missed being a stranger in the city. I missed the breath of fresh air Calgary always gives me because it’s like.. Calgary doesn't expect anything from me. Or for me to be anything. I feel so free from the drama I CRAFTED for myself. (And by the way, I did a very great job at creating this masterpiece.)
And gosh, downtown’s lookin goooood.
When I left Edmonton, I wrote down what I expected from this trip. And it’s weird because I missed my first bus so I had to wait for another 4 hours for the next trip to Calgary. I found it annoying because all I wanted was just to leave. Like, LEAVE. My hair was messy I didn't even bother putting myself together. No lipstick. I threw on comfy clothes and was trying to get on the bus literally 4 minutes before it was supposed to leave. I was bummed that I didn't make it but at the same time, I knew they were just doing their job. And I came without a photo ID. Ok.
I went home with my mom and stayed at the car for a bit because I really felt all over the place. I didn't like how I was leaving because I felt the desire to run away instead of trying to go towards something-- rest maybe. Just the energy of your reason sets everything about where you're going.
During that waiting period, I really saw how God moved the mess altogether and worked it for the highest good. An hour before my boarding time, I asked to be dropped off at one of my favorite coffee shops just walking distance from the bus station. I didn't know what to expect. I just knew I had to be alone for a bit and spend time with myself free from TV, or my laptop, or the unhealthy food I’ve been hoarding.
I ended up spending all of it with God. And the next 4 hours at the bus ride, too. I've never spent that amount of time reading the Bible. (Or reading a book while on a moving vehicle, for that matter.) But that day I was just on fire and determined to fill myself up with Him. Like, I was so done with myself I didn’t want any of me left so I filled myself up with more of God. I wanna be more like Him so much. It’s my daily prayer. And it was like the Bible was speaking to me and I just realized where my mess was. It is so nice to read God’s word and that sounds so cheesy but I don’t know. I had my personal development books on my backpack too but I was clinging on to my Bible for life.
And I thought if I had caught that 11:15 AM bus, I never would've read my Bible. And I would've brought the negative energy to Calgary and I would've gone for the wrong reasons. I’m really grateful, even when I don’t have it my way. ESPECIALLY when I don’t have it my way.
Now Calgary has breathed so much life back to me.
My days currently consist of, but not limited to, the following:
Munching on my baby cousins’ cheeks - baby Kai recently turned 2 months and watching Koa love on him.. Where’d he get his older brother skills from? He’s super sweet! I know I wasn’t like that when I first had my siblings. Haha! (Obsessed with them now though!) I’m just spending time with family.
LOTS of planning. About literally anything and everything. My binder’s getting thick! (Gotta work on the execution part and I’m writing this post so go me!!)
Reading and learning! As usual, half of my suitcase (and my backpack too!) was filled with books. My back hurt carrying it haha! And I juuust had to bring my 2 Bibles. My scrolling time could be turned to reading time and I’d actually be doing myself a favor. You know?
Journaling. This is really something that I like to think I do often, but in reality I slack. But since getting new pens, it’s been magic. Now all I have to work on is allowing myself to practice my honesty into paper. What am I scared of?
Wide roads and singing along to my cousin’s hood music.
A BIT of Netflix. Recently watched Jim & Andy and I kinda wanna marry Jim Carrey. He’s been my crush for as long as I can remember and this movie just made me fall in love with him even more. What a human being. I feel like I could listen to him talk about his reflection and realization for days on end.
I was with my aunt today and explored new parts of the city. Had Ramen too!! I’m a happy girly.
LOTS OF ME TIME.
5 Reasons I decided to take a “Sabbatical.”
(Let me be fancy and call it that. Even when really I just really meant I need to get my ish back together.)
My Word of the Year is “Stride”
In this post, I mentioned that I chose my word of the year to be “Stride.” To Stride means to take “walk with long, decisive steps in a specified direction.”
Be decisive in my steps. The way I made decisions in the past have been either impulsive and or not thought of thoroughly. I want to learn how to take responsibility when it comes to making my decisions now and actually be firm in them.
Walk. I want to walk this year. Although Id say that for the most part, I took my time, I still feel like I just ran and strived for some things which weren’t ready for me yet or I wasn’t equipped yet to take a hold of. So I want to learn how to walk, not run or reach for anything hungrily because I learnt that when I surrender, the right things FALL into my lap. I attract them naturally.
I want to give God the first of my year and really practice my faith of His provision and walking in the Pace of Grace. Hopefully, taking a few weeks off (from work, from my norm, from everyone) to just figure it out will help me set the tone for the rest of the year. It will also help me practice my faith in His provision especially because I’m saying no to a lot of opportunities in exchange for time with myself and Him.
I want to be able to walk in His pace.
2. To realign and go back to my values.
I go through phases wherein, when I really reflect, I do not like who I’m becoming. And whenever that happens, I just decide to empty myself of it. You know how when they do chemo, you don’t only kill the bad things but the good things too? I empty myself of both the good and the bad. Because when the bad mixes with the good, all of it still rots. It’s only when I’m emptied up that I find myself breathing deeper, feeling a bigger sense of freedom and relief. When I’m empty, only then can I be filled back up.
So that’s what I’m doing. January is really a fresh start where I can check in with my values and find out if I still connect to them. Or if I have to completely reevaluate. I wanna learn myself again by journaling more- it is something that I like to think I do enough but in reality I often slack. Maybe not in terms of how much I do it, but how honest I allow myself to be with the pages.
My actions for this: Come up with a personal mission statement (drafted already!) and finish my vision board. (Done!)
3. January as the month of RESTORATION.
I loved the past few weeks so much and I’m grateful, but I can’t keep denying to myself how much it had drained me. Physical and emotional (and even spiritual, lol) stress just took over me and I feel like I lost myself in all of it.
I want to go back to my values. Put them into paper and engrave them in my head so I know it by heart. And whenever something pops up, I can make a firm decision based off it.
I want my enthusiasm restored. My curiosity in other people. My excited disposition. My hope. I just want restoration because right now, I feel empty of it all. And I’m still trying to make myself believe that could be a good thing.
My meeting with TC yesterday was the most liberating thing. When we parted ways, I filled PAGES of my journal just writing about what I realised when we talked. I’m so excited to write about her for Women To Watch Wednesdays in the upcoming weeks!
4. To sit down with myself and figure out what I really want to work towards.
I was able to finally finish my new vision board recently. The end goal has always been the same, but there are paths to get there and from time to time I change my mind.
I binge-read Mandy Balak’s blog recently and in one of her posts she mentioned the song “Phases” by Majid Jordan. I've been listening to it non-stop since and even now as I am writing this. It’s so powerful to have a song that describes EXACTLY how you feel, don’t you think?
And I have different phass where I want comletely different things. I want to take this time to go deep within myself and find what I really want. Because I tend to get distracted and mistake other people’s dream for my own. I only get clarity when I sit down quietly and seek.
For January, I have a few goals to tick. They are relatively small tasks but when I think about it, they are the ones who will make a big impact in the long run. I also wanna finish some projects that got put off because of other projects and just finish everything else. Come February, I’ll be able to just get back to my groove.
5. My future self would do it.
You know. I just imagine my future self taking January off to set the tone for the year, listen to God and realign for the new year. Maybe she gets to do it near the waters, or some place far away. I just imagine her doing it because the holiday season has been big. I just imagine her having that kind of FREEDOM to choose rest and that kind of CONFIDENCE that whatever she’s built will continue to be even when she’s resting. I imagine her being able to build a business that can run without her.
And if Im preaching on stepping into that woman, I gotta do it now.
I’m very grateful for everything that I get to do right now and how much support I am getting especially from my family. I acknowledge that although ANYONE can do this, not EVERYONE can do it. Am I making sense? Like, we all have a choice, but not everyone has the same depth of consequence for choosing to do this and so I really value this time for myself. And I believe it will be best for myself and everyone around me.