A Letter To My Future Baby Girl

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Sometimes, I walk home holding my tummy and I talk to you.

Imagine— a baby talking to a baby. Ha!

I love you so much already, and to think that 4 years ago I couldn't even imagine having kids. You aren't here yet but look at you, already teaching me things, already making me better, inspiring me to do better. There will be many things I'll learn from you and ones we will learn together.

I often dream of us dancing in our flowy matching dresses somewhere in Vienna, or under the Eiffel Tower— just spinning around laughing and giggling.

It brings me so much joy to think of when I get to teach you the names of different flowers. I’m excited to teach you how to be generous, to tell you how wonderful this world is and how you make it so much better, make you realize how capable you are. To tell you how beautiful you are in ways your physical eyes can't see, how fearfully and wonderfully you have been made.

I promise to take care of your mind. To be careful with my words and speak only gentleness. To love myself so you know how to love you. To protect you but at the same time, acknowledge you are your own person and to give you the space to spread your wings.

We will bake cakes on your birthdays and make smoothies every single morning. I will read you books and pray over you every night. Ah, I will have time for you. I will always choose you.

Why I fight my battles, why I finish this race, why I press forward— it is because I often think of you. This will all end in me, baby girl. The lack, the poverty mindset, the limiting beliefs and unhealthy patterns. All these chains that has been passed down to me, the strongholds that had been the normal, the repeated cycles, they will all be broken in me so you wouldn't have to suffer them.

My baby girl, I promise to wait until I'm ready. You will be a product of love, faith, and prayers. You will always feel wanted and secure and you'll never have to ask the questions I never dare ask. I promise to pray for you.

I aim to make my ceiling higher and higher, knowing that it will be your ground floor.

I will do my best to give you a good foundation, to bring you into a home— a home full of love, respect, patience, humility. You will grow up in a house that knows how to say "thank you" and "I was wrong. I am sorry." A house that's never shy to say "I love you." I can’t wait to shower you with kisses and love on you.

Your papa is going to be amazing. He will be a source of strength for us and he is never going to make you cry nor break your heart. More than I look for a husband for myself, I think of the kind of father he will be to you. I can choose a husband, but you won't get to choose your father, so I owe you that.

I promise to take my time with myself, to heal, to be whole, to pursue the dreams I have for myself so when you come, I will be able to to show up for you, pour into you without reservations, give selflessly, to speak life into you and be able to lead you.

Baby, my fears stop here. In you, I'll pour only confidence, hope, love and a deep, lasting joy.

I am taken aback by how protective I already am of you. I’ll finish everything so you wouldn't have to fight battles that aren't yours. To throw this baggage into the midst of the sea so you would not have to carry them, baby. We will start a new generation, a new pattern. We will have our new normal and it will be so abundant— full of freedom, in every way possible.

I know by grace, our story will be different. As for us and our house, we will bless the Lord. Walk in His ways. Live by His Word. Stand in His grace. I will go through the wilderness and pray that the old ways wouldn't take me out. The old patterns wouldn’t take me out for He teaches me the right way to fight.

I pray, my love, that God sees me through. Because you and your dad — you are my Promised Land.

See you in a few years, my angel.

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