The Kind of Wife I Hope To Become.. | An Open Letter to my Future Husband
I often find myself thinking of you. It’s crazy how I don’t know you yet but every day, I grow a deeper sense of just how much I’m going to adore you.
Last night, I was talking to Abba. I always talk to him about you but it was different. I found myself in tears, not in the negative way at all but crying in pure wonder and gratitude, in excitement.. all because I already know you are going to be wonderful.
I didn’t think I’d be looking forward to something so much. I think about our marriage more than our wedding day. I always envision what it would be like.
It’s funny how I always say “I’m so excited for my husband.” I talk about you too much as if you’re here already but it was only then that He made me realize, “you know that when you talk about a husband that you will be a wife, right?” And I was like.. OH. Right.
It was both a grounding moment and revelation because it woke me up to the responsibility that it bore.
So instead of telling God what I want or expect you to be, I went back to myself. Because I’ve never really thought about it like that. And I know that before we could expect it from the universe, from anyone else, we should expect it of ourselves first.
I asked myself this time, what do you want to be when you grow up? And out of all my aspirations, after all the ambitions, I said, “I’m really excited to be a wife. That would be such a great adventure.”
And then, I described the kind of wife I wanted to be..
Abba has been revealing his Love for me in wondrous ways, teaching me how to love myself in the way He does. I hope to see myself the way He sees me and have faith that I can be and am the woman He has called me to be.
Because when I love myself fully and graciously, then I will be able to love you without expectations and all your affections will be met by deep appreciation.
I know that our marriage will only be a reflection of our personal relationship with Christ and I’m grateful that everyday, I fall deeper into his Love and discover a new sense of surrender and humility.
I want to love you from an overflow. From the fullness that I experience from Abba’s love.
The patience and kindness that overwhelms me, the understanding and forgiveness that I receive brand new everyday, I hope I’d be someone that’s always reminded of and ready to extend that to you.
I want to be someone strong, for when we become one, your burdens will be my burden and I never want you to feel as though you’re walking alone, fighting alone.
I want to fight for you, fight with you, for us and never against you.
I want to be more understanding, more compassionate.
I want to learn how to be open and allow myself to run to you and break. I hope to learn how to let myself crumble in front of another, to have more vulnerable conversations so when the time comes, I will know that I won’t have to hold myself together because I can always squeeze myself in the safety of your neck without feeling afraid to get your favorite shirt wet.
I want to learn how to put your needs before mine and know exactly when you need it.
I’m going to be your biggest fan I might need to sign a contract not to make my Instagram look like a fan account for you. Haha!
I want to be the bride that is confident of what she’s walking into with full trust and faith in Love, so I can be the wife that knows walking on waters is possible as long as I have my eyes set on the right things.
I want to learn how to hold your heart in the way grace holds me, ever so carefully, that even when I break I never feel defeated.
To be faithful, even in the little things. Especially in the little things.
To be faithful, with a deep understanding of the relationship we share.
To be faithful, in a way that makes me forget the ugly parts of myself.
To be faithful, in my words, in my thoughts, in my deeds, in my actions,
To be faithful in every sense of the word.
To be faithful in a way that reflects how Christ has been faithful to lead me to you in account of all the impulse, impatience, and immaturity that was mine.
I want to help you grow into the man you hope to become. To encourage you always.
To give you space and time and the quiet you need. To learn how to communicate my needs and never leave you wondering and second-guessing.
And just as importantly, to know where I’d like to eat.
I’ll learn to accept the child in me and continue to see the world with childlike eyes and always keep it playful with you.
I hope that I carry the part of me that finds clarity and happiness in my solitude. In my stillness. So in my fullness I’d be able to pour over you generously, soI could walk alongside you instead of expecting you to carry me through.
I hope to be an anchor for you,
to know when to ground you,
to be brave enough to uproot anything that does not belong to your heart.
And on days you seem to forget, I want to remind you of who you really are and only speak life unto you.
This season of waiting has me in wonder. It doesn’t feel like waiting. Just steps taken to you.
I know the time and space in between us are preparing us both for what God has in store for us.
The journey to you is wonderful and even when it’s done, I know it is an endless one. We’ll be in pursuit of one another through and through as we lead each other to our creator.
I’m so excited to be waiting home for you. To encourage you. To slow dance with you on our slow mornings. To always remind you of who you are in Christ, to be enchanted by you every single day and to have a deeper revelation of just how much Jesus loves me whenever I look into your eyes.
I’m excited for the endless cuddles, silly dates and traditions we’re going to build.
There’s a biiiit of work that needs to be done here, especially in the discipline and the cooking part. I have pinterest for the latter, but it needs inner work for the former. So thank you for taking your time. Ha!
I’m excited to do life with you. Until then, I’ll keep writing you letters until you’re here to read them.
I’ll see you soon.
Excited to reread this by your side,
your future bride.