Dear Mommy, Thank You For Choosing Me

Photo by Nicole Constante-44.jpg
Photo by Nicole Constante-42.jpg
Photo by Nicole Constante-57.jpg

Hi Momma,

I used to think that I could never become a mom because I saw how much you sacrifice for us and how selfless your love is that I thought to myself— “I’d never be able to do that.” When you were my age, you were busy taking care of a year old baby, living in a humble apartment, and finishing your college degree. How were you able to do it?

Your strength makes me strong and your resilience inspires me to rise higher every single time I bruise my knees.

I am always grateful for all the ways you stretch yourself for us, for your selfless love and for your devotion to giving me and my siblings a full life.

But today, I want to thank you especially for something. And it’s this--

thank you for choosing me.

It meant so much, much more to me than you’ll ever comprehend, that night when you reached for me, held me and told me you couldn’t imagine your life if you didn’t have me.

I always try to make you proud because honestly I still feel like I’ve robbed you of your life. Of your dreams. I’m still so insecure when I think of everything you’ve lost when you had me. (And it’s not because you give me reasons to feel that way.. you never do.)

But thank you. Thank you for choosing to give me life. For fighting for me when everybody else thought I was and would be a mistake.

Thank you for choosing me so blindly, without knowing what will be of me, who I will become.

I’m sorry If I’m too stubborn. if I couldn’t give you a chance to have a picture with me wearing my graduation gown and holding a diploma. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you an engineer daughter.

I am so lucky that God gave me to you. I don’t think anyone else could handle my strong will, my “I’ll do whatever makes me happy” disposition, my ever changing attitude.

Thank you for being so gracious. For the trust that I am making the right decisions for myself. For the freedom to go after my heart and learn to see for myself. Thank you for nurturing my wings and being the arms that I come home to whether I felt like I’ve reached mountain tops or took the worst fall.

I want you to know that you are the ultimate reason I do what I do.

I always think of you and the world you deserve.

Thank you for your efforts to learn me and my passion.

For knowing when I need my quiet and when I need to be held. For knowing how to tell endless stories when I would rather listen and because I’m not sure what to say next. Thank you for letting me squeeze in in the middle of the night because I had a bad dream. Or just because. I love it when you sleep over and we stay up an hour late just talking and laughing. And crying.

I love you so much, Momma.

Now, let me get to work so I can give ya your gardening grandma dreams!

I can’t wait to give you everything.

Love,

Kookoo