Excerpts from my journal
Months have gone by and Ive filled yet again another journal with memories. They couldve passed just as quickly as the others, but here I lay them in safety. This one has been a witness of my growth. As selfish as it may sound, Ive barely written about other people. Most of the things Ive dealt with was me. The dreams I have. My frustrations. My happiness. When I started it, I had no idea that some of my fondest memories would rest here. It'll serve as a doorway to reconnect to my past selves in order to understand my future ones because in here I carry lessons that I hope would last a lifetime.
Here are some of its pages. Take a detour inside my heart and my soul and please remember to remain gentle. Im still learning and growing, just as you are.
Being with your best friend 24/7 is the coolest thing ever. No dull moment, to be honest. Self love is so nice.
The one you feed will always win. There will be days harder than others. Some you won't know where to get the food for the right one but it's there. It'll always be there. Please choose to be kind. To be gentle and soft. Choose to feed the good wolf who wants to see you succeed. Who wants to see you happy. Look at flowers when you feel as though you are losing yourself. In their vibrance, in their hues, in the life in them, you'll find yours too.
Take care of the soul. Drop whatever's hindering you. Listen to your gut feeling. You feel it for a reason. Get back up and start over, if that's what you need. Find gratitude. Once you learn to acknowledge that your situation is better than most, appreciation is second nature. Gratitude. Be the energy you want to attract. Energy is everything.
I am tired and losing my focus.
My mom makes it seem so easy to fix the mess I keep on making out of myself. I wish I could see myself in her eyes.
Do I really want this? Or am I just sharing someone else's dream? I can never be certain as to what I want and I have a difficulty living in the present. Staying in it. Does it just look dreamy? Or was it always something I wanted and it's only now that it reveals itself to me?
Im afraid to make the wrong decision knowing one thing always lead to another and that every choice I make now impacts heavily on the life I'll have in the future. I'm ever changing so I can't be comfortable and get used to just one thing. I should probably push myself more. Step back and look at it outside of the confinements of their influence. Have I consumed too much that I lost myself? Or did it make know to me another part of myself that's been concealed? Im so fucking afraid. Why am I so fucking afraid? I lost her again. I dont know but and that's alright.
I love how when you cry, you pick up flowers fallen on the ground. The mere act is so powerful. So hopeful.
It's so much easier to be friends with yourself. Perhaps being lonely is really a sign that you're in dire need of yourself. I want to be enough. I am enough. These chains(?) are merely a shadow. I dont want to be burdened anymore by my own mistakes and shortcomings. I'd forget, but then with the mistakes come the lessons.
Cute dogs seen: probs 10
Airplaines passed: 5 i think!
"You know, I used to label my friends. There was this girl who just felt like home. Whenever I'm with her, I am myself. There's this other girls who made me feel like Im always in a movie whenever we're together. And then there's one who's like a mom to me. Seriously! I feel like Im with my mom whenever we hang out. But in the best way possible.
And as much as I dont label my friends now, I think you've become my movie girl."
-Stephen when we stopped to eat street food at 10 PM while walking home. The sweetest thing someone has ever told me. I melted in public.
I keep on finding new and healthy sources of happiness. Im constantly falling in love. Always compelled to dance. The feeling is so addicting and I am endless.
It's alright if you keep me up at night. Just be careful not to break my heart.