Confidence from the Inside Out: A How To Guide
Confidence is 90% mindset.
You dressing up, wearing that 4 inch high heels, wearing that lipstick, these are external factors. It is an inner work that you must be willing to do in order to see external results. You can only have lasting results when you work on it from the inside out.
Confidence isnt something we always have. even the most successful most beautiful people knock off every once in a while. But I believe that it is something we can always cultivate and create for ourselves when we need it.
So what exactly is confidence? Whats the big whoop about it anyway?
Confidence is the ability to believe in ourselves no matter what the situation is. No matter the odds because theres a sense of certainty and trust with our own unique skillset. Confident people know their value, believe that they are worthwhile and know they have the ability to accomplish things they set your mind to.
Self esteem and confidence go hand in hand that sometimes they are used interchangeably. Self Esteem is the way we perceive and evaluate ourselves. When we have low self-esteem, our confidence suffers.
So how do you raise your self esteem and thus, build confidence?
1. Change where it’s coming from
Do you get it off of the praises of others? From compliments? From the numbers on social media? Do you need to tear other people down to make yourself look bigger and feel better?
Because if our answer to any of those questions is ‘yes’, that confidence will most likely not last. The minute those praises, compliments and likes stop coming, our confidence will go with it. When someone who’s more successful comes into the room we’ll start to feel uncomfortable.
A lasting and genuine confidence cant come from perfection, beauty, wealth or any outside source. It roots from within, it doesnt compare itself nor does it need to. And the best part? It goes with you no matter what room youre in to or who youre surrounded by.
Confidence is something that you have to work on daily. It’s not like, you watch a video for example this one, or read a book, and voila youre pro. Gaining strong confidence is an outcome of our daily efforts to master ourselves. Think of it as a muscle, the more you use and practice it, the stronger it becomes.
It takes daily action because the subconscious is programmed through repetition. Practice practice practice until something becomes second nature.
3. Shift your focus to the positive
Where your focus goes, your energy flows. So if you focus on “not being confident.” or your fear of speaking in public or being made fun of, you’re only bringing more of that into reality. You can shift your focus by looking at your strengths. Focus on what you love about yourself. On your positive qualities. On things you do so well.
Think of your mind as a garden and your thoughts as the seeds. The only ones that will grow are those you plant and water on a daily basis. So weed off those limiting beliefs and start focusing and cultivating the things that matter.
4. Stop the negative self talk
If we want to change anything, we have to first take a look at our internal script. What’s the internal dialogue that runs in our head constantly? What’s the story we’re telling ourselves on a daily basis? When we tell ourselves “I’m so awkward.” “I’m shy.” “Maybe Im not smart enough for this” over and over, we start to believe it and we act like it. Thoughts influence actions. We live who we believe we are.
We can give ourselves a pep talk in the mirror or my favorite way, repeating positive affirmations to myself until I believe it to be true.
5. Act like it
When someone is about to perform, they do breathing exercises because it sure works. The way you move, the way you breathe is connected to your confidence. Our body language is merely a reflection of whats going on inside us. Have you noticed how when you see somebody, you can tell whether they are confident or not even before they open their mouth
Hold your body in a way that reflects confidence. Ask yourself, how would the confident version of me act? Speak? Or simply, breathe? Wouldnt she be calm, composed? Shed stand with her shoulders back and look people in the eye.
6. Be willing to practice failure
How many of us are actually willing to try again after failing on the first time? How about the 7th time? After the first year? A confident person is willing to try over and over because she believes in her ability to improve. She is willing to practice failure if it means getting better.
My favorite affirmation goes like, “I laugh at myself and it makes my life so much easier.” It just puts things into perspective for me. We’re all human after all and it’s totally fine to look like goofballs. Once we realise that we are already dummies by nature, it lifts the pressure of perfection and it wouldnt matter so much if we get clumsy.
A confident person says, “I might fail but Im going to do this anyway. I might look ridiculous but Im going to pursue this anyway.” You are willing because you know that it’s only either you succeed or learn from it to become better the next you try.
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